A Sohma Curse of Loneliness
by Cerii-chan Kawaii
Summary: This is the verymuch revised version of my story 'Curse of Loneliness.' The whole Sohma family loves Tohru, except Akito. What measures will he go to to ensure this doesn't happen? Chaps 1, 2, 3 & 4 up.
1. Akito's Refusal

Author's Note: Well, this revision has gone through a full-scale revision, thanks to Bean who insists that I never finish stories. But I will finish this one, and it will be the only stroy that I ever finish. Kedding, kedding... XD I'll get around to my other stories soon, but I've got no time at the moment to do more than a couple things at once. In fact, I'm supposed to be doing homework now. See if you can read the original Curse of Loneliness, and then compare it to this one to see how well I have done. Ciao!

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The curse, for so long, had rested so heavily that it smothered all love in the Sohma family. It had isolated them all, each within his own little bundle of fake feelings and shaky emotions. The family was individually withdrawn, self-conscious, insecure. The curse had trapped them, trapped them all in that kind of prison that makes you give up looking for an escape. It had trapped the young ones into thinking that they would grow up without love like the older ones, and trapped the older ones into feeling pain as they watched the younger ones grow up without love just like them. In truth, the whole turning-into-a-Zodiac-animal thing was just a side effect of the real curse, one that the family made a big deal about because it was inconvenient. But the real curse was a secret, kept safe inside the borders of Akito's twisted mind. The real curse of the Sohma family…was loneliness.

Then came the girl that might change all that.

She was impossible not to like. Her nature was that of a sweet cherub in springtime, bubbly with laughter and decorated with lovable apologies. She was pleasant, innocent and naïve in a completely enticing way. Her cheerfulness was a filter, sucking in all the bad things about her and changing them into enough gaiety to visibly fill a room with. She was selfless and worried about details of the lives of others that wouldn't have caught Buddha's attention. She tried so hard, and was so happy when others were happy, that it was nearly unfeasible not to adore her. But Akito had a tendency towards being unpredictable, and so he did not love her. He hated her. He hated her for her attraction, for her magnetic personality. He hated her for her alluring nature, her infectious cheer. He hated her because if he didn't, he would fall in love with her.

If he loved her, all would be lost. If he loved her then the curse would be broken, and his power over the Sohmas would disappear like sand in the sea. If he loved her, he would relinquish his grasp on the delicate empire he had built out of the Zodiac. He would lose control on the precious kingdom he had worked so hard to construct, to craft out of raw materials. If he loved her, he would lose his barrier to the outside world. And so, to keep himself from loving her, he forced himself to hate her.

He refused to love her by hating her. It was the only way he would be safe. He couldn't just let her be, ignore her, passively hope she would soon cease to be a problem, or she might slip into his heart.

So he hated her as best he could. But somehow, due to some strange emotion lurking deep in the depths of what could only be called his heart for lack of a better word, he could never bring himself to say it out loud.

He hated her. He watched closely over the young ones, in case they grew too attached to this beautiful girl with the optimistic smile and the naïve demeanor that made you laugh. And he warned all the adults, although he was quite sure they didn't believe him, that she was temptation in disguise, just waiting for the moment when they were all dancing in her hands like puppets. The Sirens, from mythology, were a perfect analogy. Akito was quite pleased with it, as it reassured him that he really did hate her not just for the sake of not loving her, but because he was powerful enough to resist her. She'd call out to the Sohma sailors with beckoning smiles and deceptive sanguinity, and they'd drown in an ocean of imagined hope. The perfect name for her, a name Akito began to subconsciously connect with her face. The Siren.

But God knows that Sirens can often enough prove to be irresistible.

He tried to bring himself to order the Dragon to erase all her memories. It was the perfect solution, flawless, save for one thing. Although the girl might be gone in her own mind, she would never be gone from the minds of the Sohmas. She would always be there, lurking. His only hope was that they'd see that she was too painful to remember, and turn their minds to other subjects when on a dangerous track.

So he tried to order the Dragon. To erase all her memories, all traces of the Zodiac, to wipe all fragments of the curse—that would be near perfection. But he never quite got around to mentioning it. He knew on the surface it would be infinitely better, his reign would last infinitely longer if she was removed as an obstacle, if the threat that she posed was gone. But he knew he could never do that. There was still that one part of him, that fragment of him that he banished to the darkness, the bit that begged to be saved…

So he let her be. He let her keep her memories, keep her dangerous friendships with the rest of the Sohmas against all better judgment. He settled for merely hating her. Always inside, smoldering with the silent explosiveness of a smoke bomb, merely hating her.

It was because he merely hated her that he was defeated. It was because he merely hated her that he was saved. 


	2. Blood and Concern

Tohru bustled around the stove in the expansive Sohma kitchen, beaming subconsciously to herself as she listened to Yuki and Kyo's heated bickering through the door.

"You kuso nezumi, you can't do that! Take that back, dammit! It's not in the damn rules!" You could tell when Kyo was mad by the way he found himself shouting cuss words every other phrase. Tohru giggled as she vividly pictured Kyo-kun challenging in indignation at whatever Yuki had done this time. She stepped over to the wooden cabinets and took out a few porcelain plates, setting them absentmindedly on the counter as she listened.

"It is now." Yuki's voice stated his defense calmly and smoothly, unperturbed as always.

She took the lid off a pot of ramen and stirred, breathing in the steaming aroma of chicken and spices.

"What? You can't just add a rule, dammit! I said take that back!" She wasn't sure why they even played card games together if neither of them could go for ten minutes without imploding from repressed hatred.

"Now, now, children. Stop your flirting," came Shigure's voice over the sound of tea boiling. He was most likely at his desk in the corner, writing another of what Kyo called his hentai novels.

"Pervert!" Tohru winced as she heard the crashing noise that was undoubtedly the two boys cooperating for once in the act of throwing Shigure across the room. Stirring the ramen again, she wondered whether to laugh or worry.

"I'm okay…" came a dazed voice from near the door. She decided to laugh, and in doing so, accidentally knocked over one of the plates that she had just precariously placed on the counter.

What the boys heard in the next room was the harsh tinkling of china shattering and a high-pitched yelp that could only have come from Tohru.

The door flew open. "Tohru-san!" shouted Yuki. Kyo was right behind him, looking concerned. "Are you all right?"

Blushing crimson, Tohru nodded and bent hastily to sweep up the fragments of the plate into her palm. "I'm sorry!" she cried wildly. "I'm all right! I just knocked into the plate accidentally with my elbow and—Ow!" She jerked backward and stuck her finger in her mouth.

Yuki calmed a bit. "Are you sure you're okay?" he said softly, leaning down and pulling her hand out of her mouth. "Do you need a bandage?"

Tohru found her voice. "I'm fine," she admitted meekly. "I'm so sorry to trouble you. You can go back to your game with Kyo-kun now."

But he didn't leave right away. He gazed at her, something unrecognizable passing behind his wide, clear eyes.

She looked back at him, curiously. "Did you want to ask me something, Yuki-kun?

Was that a…blush creeping along the lines of his cheek? "No, no, I'm sorry, Honda-san, I just zoned out for a second," smiled Yuki. It took a second for his monotone mask to switch itself on again, but there it was now, as unresponsive as ever. There was still a visible tint of red resting across his face. "I must have stayed up late last night doing homework."

"Oh! Well, I guess that's all right, then. Make sure you get more sleep tonight!" What was that emotion she had just felt? "I'm sure you'll feel better tomorrow in the morning."

"…Yes," he muttered, averting his gaze and standing suddenly. "Maybe I'll do that." He turned and stalked out of the room, his sudden contemplation left unexplained.

She watched to door swing slowly shut behind him, heard the resonating thud in the suddenly empty kitchen. Kyo had scampered away when he had seen that everything was all right, anxious to be somewhere far, far away from Yuki and his silent wrath. Cats could tell when something big was going on in someone's mind.

The kettle began to whistle loudly, and Tohru stood, scolding herself for losing focus due to a petty plate. She located a broom and started the steady motions, back and forth, pendulum-like. What was that wrenching of her heart that had happened, as she was talking to Yuki? It had passed to quickly to identify, but too slowly and painful to escape notice. The pressure inside the kettle peaked as it screamed even louder for attention, and she swept the plate into the garbage before turning to take the tea off the stove. Let her ponder this later, while in bed. For now, it seemed, she'd better occupy her mind with only one think at a time. She had a dinner to fix.


	3. A Memory Saved Is A Memory Earned

A night alone in bed hadn't helped her thoughts at all, she realized as she stretched and yawned in the sheets the next morning. If anything, her rationalizations had become more muddled and run together. The more she tried to think about things, the more the thinking got in the way of the knowing. There were some things in life that were best left alone until they presented themselves in a semi-tangible way, such as her connections with the two boys she lived with. Some things you could think through and come up with an answer. This wasn't one of them.

She heard whispered, frantic conversation downstairs, and wondered dimly who it was. Knowing Kyo, he'd be long up by now, but if she knew anything about Shigure and Yuki she knew that they would refuse to be awake at this godforsaken hour at eight in the morning on a Saturday except in cases of disaster. Perhaps it was one of Kyo's friends from school, come over to work on a project? She doubted it, however. Kyo preferred to work alone.

She swung her legs out of bed, shivering as the rush of cold air invaded the privacy of her warm blankets, and stood, striding over the bureau to dress. She pulled her hair back into a long ponytail and crept silently down the stairs for fear of awakening the Rat, although she knew she needn't have worried. When Yuki-kun was awake at an hour he considered fit to be up he was wide awake, but when he was dead asleep, he was, well… dead asleep. Foghorns couldn't wake him.

She reached the bottom of the staircase and stumbled a bit tiredly into the living room. She paused. The whispering stopped as her eyes adjusted to the light, and she made out Kyo, no surprise, and Yuki, a shock. Hatori was also in the room, sitting serenely and silently in an armchair with the grace and luxury of a dragon. Today, however, his face looked strained, pale and stressed, though his lounging body did not show it. Their faces were stony. A thin cigarette dangled from Hatori's hand, and she gave it a puzzled glance. Did Hatori smoke? She'd never seen him at it. After all, he was a doctor. Perhaps it was an anxiety thing?

Shigure was gone, perhaps still in his room. She cast another glance around the room, noting the tense stiffness with which Kyo and Yuki sat.

"Er…" she began, a bit frightened with this new approach to a morning welcome. "What's going on? Did I do something wrong?" She nearly squealed. "Oh dear! Was it the plate? I'm so desperately sorry! I'll pay for it with my job money! Oh, please, I had no idea it would cause so much trouble—"

"It's not the plate," Hatori said shortly, although he couldn't help but be mildly amused by her apologetic rambling, "whatever that's about. You did nothing wrong." He cast a worried glance over to the boys. "I think," he added in an unsure tone that was so unlike him.

"Oh… then what is it?" she inquired politely, clumsily transitioning from desperate confession to polite hostess. "Would you like some breakfast? I could make eggs and bacon, or we've always got cereal—"

"No, nothing like that," he cut in for the second time that morning. "No, you see… This is difficult to say."

Kyo nodded sharply, and Tohru glanced at him worriedly. "What?" she asked, lips trembling. "What is it? What's wrong?"

Hatori's one visible eye narrowed in barely perceptible solemn concentration. "Tohru…" He hesitated. "Akito wants your memories of us erased. All of them."

She paused, trying to comprehend. "E-erased? You mean, all gone? Everything?"

"Yes, gone. Not everything, just your encounters with the Sohma family."

"But, but I've been living here for months! What will I do with months of holes in my memory?"

Hatori sighed. "Your brain is a powerful thing. If you can't recall something that you know you should, it will reconstruct an entirely new set of memories for you, a bit fuzzy, but there. Trust me," he said heavily, his voice dripping with sarcasm, "I've done it before."

_Gone? Completely? Everything? But that means I won't remember Kagura or Hiro or Kisa or Shigure or… Yuki and Kyo…_"But why? I sit something I've done? Is it me! I apologize sincerely! I deserve to be punished if I have done a terrible thing! I will take the blame completely!"

"It's _not you," _said Hatori, a bit more forcefully. "Akito merely wants you to go on with your own life without our burden, for your own benefit—"

Now it was Kyo who interrupted, rising out of his seat in petrifying rage, red faced and bursting with internal flame.

"For her own benefit? For her own benefit? If it weren't for us Tohru would've been living with a grandfather that didn't care about her at all! If it weren't for us she'd have been in that tent for months! She'll forget all about us, she'll be left on the street or in that goddamn house with nowhere to go and you say its for her own benefit? That's just bull! Now that's just _bull._"

Hatori waited a moment, tight faced, while a dangerous silence rang through the corners of the room. "Akito's orders are not to be questioned," he said coldly with almost a Yuki-like calmness. "His word is law. His orders are to be followed without question."

Kyo-kun paled a bit and sank back into the chair, his hands shaking from the passion of his outburst.

"However," Hatori continued in the same icy, impassive voice, "the blind may lead the blind but when the blind lead the seers the seers become blind. Shigure and I have decided that, for Kyo's reason's and more, Tohru should be allowed to remain, memories still intact, within the Sohma household."

A spark of hope ignited inside Tohru, and she let out the breath she hadn't realized she was holding into a relieved sigh. Hatori was on her side.

"Shigure's on his way right now, to see Akito and possibly persuade him to let him leave Tohru's memories alone. Swear not to tell Akito this, but," he now let a bit of emotion slip into his voice, "I hope he succeeds."

The spark became a flame. Tohru allowed a grin to alight on her lips.

"Although," he warned, "it might take a day or two, possibly more. There is no way of knowing. Akito has been rather ill lately, and that makes him… well, irritable. Shigure must wait until the right moment, for the sake of Tohru and himself."

The color returned to her face in a flush of hope and she threw herself forward, surprising Hatori with a tight hug. "Oh, thank you, Tori-san, thank you, thank you, _thank you_!"

Hatori instantly stiffened at the sudden display of emotion, then relaxed a bit, and allowed a sedentary smile to creep on to his face. This was, after all, exactly why he seemed to like Tohru. She was similar to Kana, in a way. All his life, Hatori had been tending to the needs of the Sohmas, healing the Sohmas. The Sohmas were all drawn inwards, afraid to show emotion, with perhaps the exception of Kyo whose only two emotions seemed to be anger and hate anyway. Tohru wore her heart on her sleeve and was proud of it, expressing what she thought without caring who knew what she was thinking. She threw her feelings around carelessly, with too much of it to all be hidden inside her. "In the meantime, though," he had to say, "you're not to leave this house."

She took a step backwards, astonished. "Not to leave the house? Oh, dear… But, how will I do the shopping? How will I water the plants? How will I cook?"

The Sohma doctor chuckled softly, amazed at how the girl could be worried so intensely about such trivial things when her future was in such grave danger. "You don't have to do all that. Just send Kyo-kun to do the shopping, and I'm sure he can manage watering the plants, too. As for dinner, I'll treat you all to take-out when I come back."

Tohru nodded, determination emanating from her every pore. "Yes, sir!" she shouted, sitting down hard on the nearest piece of furniture (which happened to be the coffee table). "I won't move from this spot, sir!"

Tori laughed quietly again. "It's all right if you take a small walk in the garden or something of that sort," he reassured her. "Just don't go too far. Akito's orders."

She nodded.

He stood, putting on his dark brown coat emblazoned with the emblem of some hospital or another. "As for me, my orders are to guard you, but I find you are trustworthy enough for me to leave you alone. Good day." And with that, he was gone out the back door, striding swiftly away, silently as he had never arrived.

Yuki, who hadn't said anything while the Dragon's presence was occupying the room and was now quite pale with the stressful events of the morning, said quietly, "Well now. What do we do?" Things like having your true love's memories of you entirely erased looked better when left until the early morning hours of noon or so. According to Yuki, seven o'clock was still last night.

"I… need to make lunch…" Tohru offered meekly.

"Right then. Kyo, get the shopping list and go." Yuki stretched out on the couch.

"Wait…" Kyo's mind raced through the last few lines of conversation. 'Send Kyo-kun to do the shopping. Not 'send Kyo-kun and Yuki to do the shopping.' Just 'send Kyo-kun.' "Hey, why don't you have to do it, baka?"

"Just go," said Yuki irritably, in a tone laden with layers of 'you're not important enough to argue with me.' Grumbling but giving in, Kyo stood and strode angrily over to the door, tearing the list pad off of the wall and striding out of the house, mumbling something about what kuso bakas deserved.

Tohru managed a grin at Yuki, whom she noticed was staring at the ceiling rather blankly, face pale. Something tugged at her memory, but she decided to shrug it off for now, having other matters close at hand. She stared at him as she thought, his hair rather messy from having just woken up, his clothes mismatched for having been thrown on hurriedly at random. If she stayed, then her memory would be erased, and she'd never remember Kyo and Yuki. If she ran away, Shigure and Hatori might get hurt for not guarding her when they were supposed to. _I'll stay here,_ she decided firmly. _It's what Tori-san told me to do, so I'll do it._ She continued sitting there, watching Yuki as he gradually drifted off to sleep, her eyelids dropping slightly as she too grew heavy with sleep. In fact, when Kyo finally got home from doing the shopping, laden a great deal with paper bags (cats could suffocate in plastic,) Tohru was sound asleep, stretched out on the coffee table. Yuki was, too. Grinning in spite of himself, Kyo moved into the kitchen and began to make lunch.


	4. Trouble At the Sohma Residence

Meanwhile, in the Sohma residence, something was happening. Two things were breaking.

The first was the plate that Akito had just thrown across the room with surprising strength, considering he was sick in bed. The second was Shigure's spirit.

"Do you not respect me?" asked Akito threateningly, his eyes flashing in a dangerous manner. "Have you forgotten your place in this family, you lowly _dog?_"

"No, Akito-sama!" Shigure cried. His finger stung where a fragment of plate had cut into it, but he dared not show it. "Of course I respect you, I have always respected you, we all respect you…"

"Then why are you questioning my orders?" Akito's face was contorted in an ugly mix of pain and rage as he struggled to remain sitting up. "Why are you not obeying me?"

"Because… because it is for Tohru's good! For Tohru's sake! If she forgets, she will be left alone, with nowhere to stay…"

"Do you think I _care _what happens to the girl? Damn the girl! It is for your safety that her memories be erased! Do you understand, if she is left to remember, she will doom us all?"

"But Tohru would never do that! Tohru—"

"Tohru will kill you all! Have you not noticed that I have grown sicker and sicker every day that Tohru is here? Have you not noticed how weak I get when she is near? Of course you don't notice, because you don't _care _for me! You wish I would die, don't you?"

"No, Akito-sama, of course I don't wish you would die—"

"Oh, but you _do, _don't you see? Every time you see me, you wish I would die, I would disappear, you wish that I had never been born so you can be rid of the curse. You never give a thought to me as your protector, your guardian, your barrier to the outside world!" Akito's eyes pieced the thin atmosphere of the room. "You think of me as your captor, your jailkeeper! If I were not here you would die! Each and every Sohma would die! Tell me the truth. Do you think like that?"

"No, Akito-sama…"

"I said _tell me the truth!_"

There was a pause. Shigure bowed his head. "Yes, Akito-sama."

"Now get out of here. I feel even more ill, now, thanks to you," he stated coldly, lying back down onto his bed and staring indifferently at the ceiling. "And tell the Dragon to erase her memories, before I summon him _again." _He spit out the last word, and fell silent.

"Yes, Akito-sama." Shigure bowed, turned and walked out of the room, deep in his thoughts.


End file.
